First Love…
Well, first of all I want to apologize for my english, I’m Ukrainian and still have problems with english language….
My story is difficult and strange…noone can understand it . So do I. …As usually it begins with bright memories, which never happens again…
It happend one year ago. I was surfing in internet, facebook…simple day! Suddenly he adds me….Unfortunately we never know what we’ll feel after some time of communicating with some person. But as usually I added unknown person in facebook, he was arab…he wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t handsome really … moreover, a year ago I could say that arabs are fake people because they all want just sex from russian and ukrainian girls…and it’s really true but it’s not about him….
So we started to chat in facebook like other millions people in the world, i was a little agressive to him. He was ready to delete me but he didn’t …. chatting lasted nearly month or so. He was just friend for me. That’s it. And I didn’t plan to meet him, even though he lived in my city not far from my house!
After this month we met…………..I can’t explain what I felt that time, it wasn’t love from the first sight!! But it was something that I can’t explain…..I was with my friend that time because I’m scared of such meetings he could be pervert or something like that.. But I understood something important…that he looked at me so gently, he cared about me a lot. … I’m telling this with tears in my eyes…. because nobody and never cared about me so much…but that time i didn’t realise it…I didn’t…. So days passed and we met again and again….i was scared of walking with him , that’s why I invited my friend(my classmate)…Of course this guy wished to walk only with me, but I was sure that he’ll huge me and so on….I didn’t wish it then…I was confused …really confused LIKE NOW….I was scared to begin relationship with him because i didn’t love him! But when he saw me his eyes were so bright and full of happiness!!
One rainy day we met again….. only two this time…..he hugged me and kissed in my cheek softly…but my heart was quiet..unfortunately…..I told him this and said that I want to keep being friends. He said: don’t hurry ..don’t hurry.
Days passed , we walked together, gradually i began to like him ….. so I decided to tell about him my to mum…my mum didn’t say anything about him till i said that i like him and he likes me…..she shouted..Still she doesn’t want me to marry arabic guy -.- … so I just told it to him and said that we should to break up…he was quiet and didn’t speak for some minutes…i noticed that he all a bit was shaking…:’( omg!! even then he loved me so much….only after 3 monther of knowing me…we sat together in the park and were silent…5…10 …min my I felt that my heart hurts, really husts so badly, like it have never hurted soo much!! Damn! I just Hugged him and began to cry…………………..he said sop, stop, please stop crying, but I couldn’t, and nobody could stop this……
Days passed again, we walked together and my was angry too but we didn’t think of her…I was happy!
But it was almost summer time and he had to come back to Jordan , to his parents for 3 monthes. It wasn’t too difficult for me, I missed him but not very much, I didn’t love him enough then. So left Ukraine in June and came back in September. Seldom he wrote me messages in summer and he wrote that he misses me a lot :’)
He came back in the middle of September…it was amazing meeting..!! I really was happy to see him again, we kissed for the first time that day….less hugs…less kisses ….less love….of course I loved him very much that time, and eventually I realised that I want to be his gf , I want to care about him….
…………………………but one day he said we should be friends………………………………..that’s it………………………….. I screamed, I said that I can’t be friend to him…..I just can’t …………..omg………………..it hurts so much….but as usually he was quiet.
a month of silence……..and we met again, he asked me……..he kissed me again!!!! I was shocked
But he changed a lot …..maybe his love was less , his attention is different nowadays…………yes, we still friends…..but we kiss………I’m confused and I don’t know what to do, I love him. I love him even more than life and I wish him happiness…
We meet sometimes now, but it’s only once a week or more seldom………and we kiss , then silence ………..I tired so much……….and I don’t know what to do,
yesterday he said that he can stop communicating to me only because it will be better for me
i don’t know what to do…..i’m lost and i don’t understand why we met ? so hard………………..
